Can I learn Self-Confidence?

Can I learn Self-Confidence?

I guess you’re wondering if you really can ‘learn‘ to be a self-confident person? Well, the answer is definitely yes!

I know from personal experience, that a lack of self-confidence and a low self esteem can lead to a challenging and overwhelming life. But fear not!

Contrary to popular belief, no one is born confident.


Learning Self-Confidence

Confidence and self-esteem are learned skills. You probably know someone who’s acts confidently and seems to have everything going right for them?

Even their level of confidence was still learned. They weren’t born that way.

For most ‘naturally‘ confident people, they probably picked up their confident ‘gene’ during their childhood. If you’re surrounded by confident people, if you had experiences early on, that were successful for you, chances are you’ll grow up feeling confident in your abilities.

But this isn’t the case for everyone. And I guess, that like me, that wasn’t the case for you either?

So, we have to rely on ourselves, to learn how to be confident. And there are many ways to do that, several of which I’ve written about here.

Unfortunately, most people just ‘wish’ their life was better, without doing anything whatsoever to improve it. But you’re here, reading this article, looking for pro-active ways to improve your lot in life and be more confident and successful at whatever you want to be, or do.

That’s the first and hardest step! Accepting that you need to take responsibility for improving your own confidence. You know, that just accepting your lack of confidence is not going to work for you.

Here’s a simple truth, to keep at the front of your mind…

“Nothing changes if nothing changes! If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you always got”

So, below are five simple, yet proven things you can do every day, that’ll set you on the path to greatly improved confidence and stronger self-esteem. Once you’ve mastered them, you can use these tools to move your journey onto the route that’s right for you.


1. Stretch Yourself:

One of the most helpful things you can do each day is stretch yourself. Not in the exercise sense, although that’ll come later (number 3), but in the personal improvement arena.

Most people stick to what they know. They stay well within their comfort zone because they know it’s safe.

Step outside your comfort zoneTo build your confidence, it’s important that you move outside of your comfort zone. Even if it’s only a little bit.

By trying new things, you’ll begin to prove to yourself that if you’d only try, you can actually do much more than you originally thought.

There are loads of ways you can stretch yourself, without stepping too far into the unknown. You could, for example make that phone call you’ve be putting off for what seems like forever, or say “Hi!” to a stranger. You could offer to volunteer in a charity shop, or call in to an elderly neighbor’s to see if you can help in any way.

Whenever you hear the little gremlin in your head saying….“it’s fine to leave doing this until tomorrow.”, that might be an activity that, by doing it now, will help you step out of your comfort zone.

This moves me onto the next thing to do every day, which is….


2. Never be afraid to fail.

Failure is a gift. It allows you to learn and then develop your thinking, which in turn moves you along your path to success and builds your confidence.

The thing to remember about failure, is that providing you at least learn something from the experience, your next attempt will be better. Now clearly that doesn’t mean that next time you’ll definitely be successful, but every time you fail, you’ll learn a bit more, until eventually you WILL be successful.

The most successful people in history, were almost always so successful, because they failed often and learned from those failures.

Henry Ford said,

“Failure is the opportunity to try again more intelligently”


Oliver Goldsmith said

“Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fall”.


Michael Jordan when asked about his immensely successful basketball career replied,

“I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot… and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life, and that’s exactly why I succeeded.”

and finally,


Soichiro Honda said,

“Many people dream of success. To me, success can only be achieved through repeated failure and introspection”


In short, failure is a stepping stone to success, no matter what the goal is.


3. Move your body!

Successful people, know that a healthy body is as important as a healthy mind. And that some form of exercise is a vitally important area to consider, on your road to success.

It’s no good being totally focused and driven in the beginning, just to run out of steam before you reach the finishing post.

Get some exerciseGetting exercise though, needn’t be going to the gym three times a week, or running 5 miles a day. It could be something as simple as walking to the shops, getting off the bus one stop early, then walking the last part of the journey. Or, even doing some simple exercises at home each day.

Getting regular exercise not only gives you a fit and healthy body, but the process of exercising releases a rush of endorphins. This results in improved self-esteem and an overall positive feeling in your body.

In fact, many people describe the feeling that follows a run or workout as ‘euphoric’. This feeling, known as a ‘runner’s high’ helps to provide an energised outlook on life generally.


4. Go mental!

It’s a fact that your subconscious mind pushes you toward things that give you pleasure and away from things that cause you pain. It’s also a fact that the mind can’t tell the difference between a situation that is vividly imagined and one that actually happened.

So literally, Go Mental….. Take a few minutes every day to visualise your goal.

Close your eyes and image how life will be once you’ve achieved your objective.

What will your world look like? How will you be dressed? Imagine how your posture and demeanour will be. Thing about how your loved ones act towards you, etc.? How will you be feeling inside? etc.

Imagine yourself actually living in that situation. Take in all of the sights, sounds and smells of the image…. actually be there in your mind.

Positive visualisation can be very effective in helping you reach your goals. Because your mind believes that you’ve already been there and because you enjoyed the experience, it drives you to get there again.


5. Be grateful.

“An attitude of gratitude brings great things.” — Yogi Bhajan


“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey


“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” — John Milton


It’s entirely possible that because of your low self-confidence, you often wonder if you life will ever improve? Well, here’s something to think about…

No matter how difficult you may feel your life is at the moment, remember that there’s always someone in a much worse position than you. Take the time to remember the things you currently have and be grateful for them.

Be gratefulEveryone reading this will already have many, many things that for thousands of people are only a dream. Simple things like a loving family, or relatively good health, a roof over your head, or a bed to sleep in each night. The ability to put food on the table and live in a country that has clean water to drink.

When you take a moment to reflect, you’ll realise you already have a pretty successful life after all.

Allowing time to be grateful, can be a huge boost to your self esteem.

So, there we are. Five simple things, that when practiced regularly, will give you a great start on your journey to a confident life.

I hope you’ll let me join you, on this fantastic journey of self-discovery. I look forward to helping you, on this next step into your bright and fulfilling future!

Now it’s over to you. Do you have any tricks, or habits that help you to feel even slightly more confident? Share them with me in the comments below.